You don't have to go to college

I love learning and I strongly believe that everyone should get a good education. However I don't think everyone should or needs to get a college degree. 

A college degree isnt everything; It's not the be all, end all of careers. 

There's so much more to life than going to school. 

Do what you love, right now; You'll never be this young again. & I mean that for everyone young or old. 

If you want to go to school, then by all means I support that. But its also OK to not go. It's OK to go a different route.  If you're passionate about the arts, pursue it. It doesn't require a degree; It requires your soul. People seem to think that going to school gives you the title of whatever you want to be, but it doesn't; It gives you a piece of paper that says you know stuff on that subject.

It by no means makes you an expert.

How about first hand life experience? Don't just sit in a classroom and learn about others doing it, go out and do it yourself! 

It's 2014, if you want to be an expert on something all you have to do is look online; Do your own research. All the information you need is at your fingertips. You can Google it, you can search through blogs and forums, find DIY's or how to's. Start your own website using your new found expertise, share your own thoughts and ideas on it, write your own book.  If I was a job interviewer that would impress me more than a college degree. 

That is something to admire, because along the way you had your ups and downs; Your expertise comes from your trials and errors. That's real and I respect that. It came from you, it's not just something you're reciting from some outdated text book.

I don't need a degree to tell me who I am and neither do you.

You don't need a degree to follow your dreams.

Peace & Love

xo Shelly

Why you shouldn't spank your kids

I don’t believe in spanking, I believe in parenting.

The thing with parenting is that it’s a commitment, the most serious commitment you can make. You commit yourself to loving another human 100% unconditionally, you commit to protecting them, you commit to their happiness, you commit to their future, you commit to making sure they live the best life possible. So you have to think ahead, because parenting is such a delicate thing, if you don’t believe me, go ahead and tell me your parents didn’t fuck you up a little? Just a little, but they did.

“People always say things like: 

“If that was my kid I would have spanked them a long time ago.” 

“Spare the rod, spoil the child.”

Ew, you can even hear the hate in their voice when they say it. It’s sad really.

To those people I want to say…Why? Why would you want to hurt your child? To hit them? You seriously want to hit your kid to get your point across? Are you stupid? What’s wrong with you? Can’t you communicate? You’re an adult. We learned hitting others was wrong a long time ago, we learned to talk about things or to walk away. Hello? That would be a human being that you're hitting. Kids don’t know better, they’re not done developing yet, they're still learning everything. It took you a long time to learn wrong from right, and apparently you still have a lot to learn, because you don’t know how to communicate without hitting or intimidating.

If a husband slapped his wife around  for not listening to him, I would hope that she would call the cops and leave him. But guess what, that child doesn’t have that choice. That child looks to you for love, for compassion, to teach them wrong from right, but to do it in a loving way. They can’t walk away, they need you to survive. They need you to love and protect and teach them. In case you haven’t realized that’s what it means to be a parent. They didn’t get choose to you, you choose to have them. 

This time is crucial for them. Their like little sponges just taking it all in. Just like you did when you were little. Do you remember the fear you felt? Do you remember how bad that hurt, and how sad it made you feel that someone you love so much could hurt you like that? Do you remember feeling unloved? I do. & the reason I know this is because I can’t write this without crying. Not for me, but for the kids out there going through the same thing we did.

People seem to forget those feelings, they forget that were sad, hurt and scared. They just look at who they are now & they say “I’m disciplined because my parents spanked me.” But that’s not true, you were still that little trouble maker whether you got spanked or not. Them spanking you did nothing to change that. Time did, its called growing up. It happens to all of us, everyone at different times. You aren’t a rotten brat, because you got older. You learned this with time and age. It wasn’t those terrifying beatings that shaped you, all they did was hurt you and that’s all it does to your kids. 

But you know what? We don’t have to make the same mistakes our parents did. We don’t have to pass that on. We can choose to be smarter, kinder and more loving. We can choose words over hitting.  Our eyes are open to that ignorance now, 

we break the cycle. 

Let us be the generation that doesn’t fuck up their kids!!!

 Timeouts work wonders for us, and that’s our last resort. Because we will explain the same things to Gisele over and over and over again until she fully understands. That’s all you have to do.

 Guess what? It works, she understands so much!  She is so well behaved, she doesn’t throw tantrums, she doesn't kick and scream to get what she wants. 

You know what she said to me the other day? “Ok, we’ll see. Maybe I can have it, maybe I can’t, but even if I can’t I’m not going to cry. I’m a big girl.” Yes, that came out of my 4 year olds mouth!!! She’s brilliant, she’s sweet and you know what? She’s not afraid of me & she shouldn’t be. I’m her mommy, her superhero, her best friend, and her teacher. Not some big bully who hurts her. 

So to those of you out there hitting your kids, pick up a book, educate yourself, get some therapy and break the cycle.

Peace&Love

Shelly xo

Be your own best friend

A best friend is someone one you cherish very much, someone you respect and whose opinion you value. Someone you can trust to have your best interest at heart, and vise versa.

So who better to be your best friend than you? No one knows you better.

It breaks my heart to hear my friends say such negative things about themselves.

"I'm stupid." 

"I'm so fat." 

"Don't take my picture, I look ugly."  

Why is it so easy to love others unconditionally and accept their flaws but yet so hard to do with yourself. Things you'd easily overlook for a friend are the same things you tear yourself up about.

If your friend gained ten pounds would you say mean things to her? Would you call her fat? Would you think any less of her? No, of course you wouldn't. You love her, she's a beautiful person and her weight does not define her. Fair enough, but God forbid you gain ten pounds. You freak out. How could you let this happen?! You pinch at your stomach and call yourself fat. That's hurtful, you'd never do to your best friend. But you're quick to do it yourself, without second thought.

Why are we so hard on ourselves? We're human too, we make mistakes just like everybody else, we aren't perfect.

You have to learn to love your imperfections, those little things that make you, you. Your quirks, your crooked smile, your sarcasm, or your awkwardness. Whatever makes you different is what makes you, you. And that is what makes you beautiful. 

Be-you-tiful. 

If there is something you don't like about yourself, fix it if possible and if not then accept it and move on with your life.

This is your soul, this is your body and you are stuck with it for the rest of your life. So accept it and learn to love it unconditionally. Say it with me... "I am beautiful, I am smart, I am good enough." Say it every day, even if at first you don't believe it. Say it, but say it with meaning.

Think of it this way, you probably think pretty highly of your friends. You think they're pretty, they're smart, they're cool. Now turn around and look at it through your friend's eyes. They think you're pretty, you're smart and you're cool. Thats why they wanted to be your friend in the first place. 

Give yourself a chance and you might find that you're pretty awesome.

Peace&Love

Shelly xo

Believe in yourself

If you can believe it you can achieve it. The possibilities are endless, and it all starts with you. I know this to be true. 

Follow your dreams, if you dream of being an artist, be that artist, start painting. Having a big fancy degree or studio doesn’t make you an artist, your love for art and your creations do. That’s the biggest misconception, that you need certain things to do what you want. All you need is yourself and hard work.

No one was born with a title :doctor, Olympian, artist, writer, cook, ballerina, NASCAR driver, everyone had to start at the bottom and worked their way up. They didn’t settle, they followed their dreams. They worked hard, they busted their ass, and trust me they failed a few times, but they didn't give up. 

These  people that  you look up to, this dream job that you want. You can have it, there’s no reason why you cant. I believe that’s true for everyone, you need to learn a new skill for this? You need to go to school for this? Then do it, do whatever it takes. 

Why? Because that is what life is about, its about living and if you’re spending 40 hours a week hating your life at 9 dollars an hour…are you really living? 

This goes for everything not just your career, if you can believe it you can achieve it.

Another big thing is weight loss, its hard to lose weight. Of course its hard , its certainly a lot harder to lose weight than it is to gain weight or to do nothing about it. No one wants to have to work for anything anymore, everyone wants the easy way (aka diet pills, surgery, magic weight loss dust) it takes effort to lose weight, it takes hard work.  

Once people decide they want to be skinny, they get upset that they aren’t skinny. Going to the gym one time isn’t going to get you a six pack. Great things are worth waiting for and working hard for. Some people never start because they think it will take forever. Trust me one day you’ll get there and you’ll realize that forever was only a few years & now you’re there.

You have to be dedicated to it, you’re going to have to want it bad enough.

If your goal is to lose weight then you need to do something about it. “I want something, I deserve something” No. If you want something, you work for it. You earn it. You don’t deserve it anymore or any less than anyone else. You have to work for what you want, or be willing to settle for less.

“To want” is the ego talking. “I want to be skinny” “I want to be rich” “I want to be successful” It's not enough to want something, you have to work hard to achieve your goals, so that you can have exactly what you want (and deserve) and I promise you, that you can.

 The key to not giving up is to stay motivated. Motivation is hard to keep sometimes, especially when you’ve already had a setback. 

You only fail if you quit. It you keep trying, you’re destined for success. 

Remember, there is no age limit or time limit on your dreams. 

                                                            

One of the worst things people can to unmotivated themselves, is to compare themselves to others. The reason for that is most likely that you’re comparing yourself to someone who’s successful in what it is you’re trying to achieve, because that’s who we look up to; people who have already reached our goals. 

It's ok to admire them, but you cant  compare yourself to them, because you’re not on their level. (all that is going to do it discourage you and make you feel less adequate)  They worked really hard and long to get to where they are. They didn’t have the success overnight.  They had to learn new skills, try new things, fall a few times, get back up, deal with the ups and down. That’s what gave them the confidence and knowledge they have now. If they had quit the first time something didn’t work out for them, they wouldn’t be where they are now. 

Now its your turn, believe in yourself and go out there and work for it! You’re worth it.

Peace&Love

Shelly xo