21 & Over

I thought when I turned 21 I would be able to drink whenever I want and not have to sneak around... that's not quite the case. I get carded a lot, and yes I am young so it is to be expected but sometimes it can get pretty ridiculous. Like the other night for instance...

Last Sunday night Ilene & I went out to a restaurant on the beach, for a few drinks and a relaxing dinner. We arrived around dinner time and wanted the seats on the water so we knew we'd have to wait a while. Not a problem, I actually prefer when we have to wait, it means we get to sit at the bar!

So we walk over to the bar and everything is wet and sticky, not to sound like a snob but it was pretty disgusting.. (Luckily I had my travel size disinfectant spray with me....pssh, don't judge me) So once the place is germ free we take a seat and after what seemed like forever I place my order: 1 champagne split. (take note, I said a champagne split not hard liquor shots) He asks to see my I.D., which I already have out, so I hand it to him.

He looks at the I.D., then he looks at me, then back at the I.D., then back at me...and back at the I.D. and then back at me. You get the picture, right? So he asks me whose I.D. I'm using and I told him it was mine. Which he scoffs at, then asks me for a second form of I.D. and I pull out my credit card, which lucky for me still has my maiden name on it. *insert eye roll*

So he calls his manager over and they start questioning me on why there are two different last names and I explained to them that I got married, my name changed and I simply had not got a new credit card. To which the bartender responded with "Oh yeah? If you're married then how come you're not wearing a ring?"  So rude! "Its complicated." That's all I said. Fuck that! I am not going to explain myself to some punk bartender on a power trip.

They're being pretty loud so others can hear them and people are starting to stare. They keep questioning me and my friend and at this point I'm pretty sure they're going to call the cops. Which is fine, whatever. I'm not breaking any laws so I'm not scared or anything, but it would be pretty damn inconvenient. So I'm about to just leave and the manager says, OK, we'll accept it this time, but we have to be extra careful since its Spring Break.

Guess who finally got her champagne?! That's right, this girl! So we make a toast and our awesome night commences, but damn they made me work for it.

I wish I could say that was the only time I've been harassed like that, but unfortunately this sort of thing happens all the time.

 On my 24th birthday I went into a gas station to buy a lighter and I was interrogated for five straight minutes.
She asked me where I got the I.D., she quizzed me on the address and my DOB, asked if it was a fake, then asked me if I was sure it was mine. Then she started talking out loud, to no one in particular. "They get younger and younger looking every year."

Seriously? Its a fricken lighter! You only have to be 18 to get one! Story of my life, but I guess I shouldn't complain. One day I might miss being carded...

    #firstworldproblems #foreveryoung #babyface

XOXO

Shelly M.

I'd sacrifice you for a blog post.

Since I started blogging I see every moment or event as a possible blog post and every interaction with another is an opportunity for inspiration. For instance, even if someone is stupid, I'll still engage with them, because there's a chance that I'll get to write about it later. Sometimes I even put my self in awkward situations just to see what happens.

I really like that, I think I'll put it on a shirt.

So the other day I went shopping with Jutt and of course we headed to Charlotte Russe first. We're looking around at the dresses and this old lady makes eye contact with me and says loudly "OH MY GOD!" so I asked her if everything was OK? And then she went off...on Jutt.
"No everything is not OK! Men should never wear earrings! That is for women only! I just don't think its right. I'm sorry, but sometimes I just can't hold my tongue on this kind of thing. It disgusts me."

Here's the thing...I could have stopped her in her tracks and told her to mind her own business, but I found the situation interesting and I wanted to see where it was going. So instead, I egged her on. I couldn't help myself. It was just too perfect, some 90 year old woman completely disgusted and offended by Jutt's earholes. She's freaking out, he's laughing hysterically and I'm giving her words of encouragement.

So after its all over, Jutt walks over to me and says..."What was all that about?" I can't decide if he means the sweet old lady or me helping her tear him apart. So I responded with "I'd sacrifice you for a blog post." It's true. I'll sacrifice anyone for a blog post, including myself. If I think there's even a remote chance that something worth writing about will happen, I'll stick around.

If you're my friend or even if you're not, this is your warning. Every interaction with me is a possible blog post and no one is safe.

Peace&Love

Shelly xo

Tax office problems

I got a new job, yayy!! It fucking sucks, boo!

In all seriousness though, it has been hell for me. The job description itself is fine. I am the receptionist in a nice tax office. I get to dress up everyday, it allows me time to blog and my coworkers are pretty cool. So the job itself is not bad, the problem is whats happening while I am working. 

It's ninty-something degrees in there. Everyone is sweating, the office smells like butt and to top it all off I keep getting chased by bees! Allow me to elaborate.

Why is it so hot in a tax office? Basically, some moron climbed onto our roof and stole the copper out of our AC; We're stuck using little table fans to cool off the entire office. It's a fucking sauna in there. Even though its still winter, this is Florida, its in the upper 80's and the office is in the 90's.

People are so miserable and they're constantly telling me about their sweaty bits. Yesterday I got to hear about two different people's sweaty armpits and another's sweaty thighs. Not the visuals I needed actually.

I try to always look and dress nice, especially when I'm at work.

#selfie #werkk

Unfortunately It's not possible to look like that when your office is located deep in the pits of hell.

Luckily for me I have honest coworkers, who tell it like it is. & I quote:  

"Ooh Shelly, you don't look too good, you look like a wet dish rag." 

What am I supposed to do with that?! I look like a wet dish rag? Let me think, I've never seen a wet dish rag that I thought looked beautiful, so that leads me to believe I look like shit. Which is great for my confidence! Haha! And since I already feel like shit, I might as well look like shit. 

Next is the smell *Shivers* It smells like a gym locker room in there. I've tried using deodorizing sprays but all that does is make it smell like flowers & butt. It's really not fooling anyone and I can only hope they don't think the bad smell is coming from me.

To make matters worse, I keep getting chased by bees. Why? Because we have to leave the door open in order to get a breeze in there & I'm doused in perfume.  

I don't care where I am or who I am with, if a bee comes near me I will scream and I will run around like a crazy bitch. That's how I roll. I'm sure its hilarious to others, but I'm not the one who's going to get stung.

TL;DR?

My days at work consist of:

Thank you for taking the time to read my rant! I love you for it.

Peace & Love

Shelly xo

Too Long; Didn't Read

I love acronyms. LOL! WTF? OMG! I use them all the time, I'm even guilty of saying them IRL. (I know I'm a dork, whatever.) There is one acronym however that I can't stand... 

TL;DR - too long; didn't read.

Its the go to response for internet trolls. Normally trolls don't bother me, but tl;dr just pisses me off.

"Too long; didn't read" more like "too stupid; couldn't comprehend" 

Its basically a big "fuck you!" to whoever its aimed at. 

Its saying one of three things:

1. They couldn't come up with a witty response.

2. They don't find you have to say important. 

3. Reading? Ain't nobody got time fo dat.

I really hope its never #3 because I love reading & writing and there should always be time fo dat.

Its just rude. Its a quick little rude jab. Its effective but it doesn't make the person using it sound clever or witty, instead  it makes them sound like a D-bag.
(remember kids, you never want to be a bag of D)

tl;dr - fuck off. 

Peace&Love
Shelly xo